I will try.
I ran into a very long time media member tonight and we talked for a bit and it had him asking me some questions. Mainly, he doesn’t understand why I still go or anybody goes. And then I come to the board tonight and same types of questions and they’re good questions.
I really don’t expect anyone to understand it or appreciate it or to even give a shit about it. My own family doesn’t understand, my girlfriend doesn’t, most my friends don’t. But my friends and family also know that I’m huge on loyalty. And many say I’m loyal to a fault and I will grant that.
What drew me to Rebel basketball way back when was more substantive than winning. The winning was the excitement and adrenaline, but being able to personally identify was at the very heart of it. Obviously, that left with Tark. Coincidentally, so did the winning.
I felt a debt on a personal level so I remained. Tark guys were still with Rollie, then Grg comes, he’s part of the Tark era. Grg gone, good time to quit. But I wanted to see what Bayno could do, I still felt the Rebel pride too, we were only 5 years removed. Mixed results, some good times, some bad times. By the time 2000 hit, I personally felt “my debt” to the program was paid. To Tark and the former players, etc. Yeah, I hear you. What debt and why did I owe anything? Good question, it’s how I’m wired and it’s tied to the sense of loyalty that I hold in high regard as a virtue. So it’s a very personal thing, a tenet across my life.
So we waxed and waned a bit, no real success, was still having fun with it, friends were into it, there was still pride and hope.
Kruger comes, high expectations, he’s done it at every stop, highest price tag UNLV has ever paid… first two years, very disappointing overall. Third year, wham, a S16, one of my great memories. Had a ton of fun, we gained a place in the national landscape, even if it was just as a semi “Cinderella”, we were fringy, we were ranked, there was respectability. The following season, a win in the tournament. It was still fine. Next season, miss tournament. Next season, first round loss, following season, first round loss. Not great, but we at least mattered a bit, we had a say, we had some level of consistency and had a semi national feel to the program. I thought we should have been further along, a high level FP recruit or two would make all the difference. But still, it was ok, it was some stability within the top 40 or so. It was at that point I decided to call it quits.
This is at the crux of why I’m still here though. Again, this is a personal thing - I expect nobody to understand. It’s my thing, it’s an expectation I have of myself and I don’t expect people to understand it. If I expect something of myself, I do it. I was fortunate enough to enter UNLV basketball on the highest of notes. I wasn’t going to disband on a low note. A personal thing to me. And with Kruger, it was nowhere near Tark level, but it was respectable, it was a “good note” to leave on and it would be easy to make peace with. I was prepared.
Then we hire Rice. I knew what he was going to attempt to do. He was going to go for broke. He was going to do something that hadn’t been tried in the previous 20 years, he was going to recruit at the highest level possible. Plus, he was a Rebel, former player … so it tied back to that original loyalty and, to be honest, I was very appreciative of the attempt at trying to kick the door in instead of caving to the very passive and safe “slow growth” of a five or six year build - that’s the pussy way. The history of the program was built on aggression, taking no prisoners, being “Rebel”. So I couldn’t leave. Had we hired somebody else, I would have been done, not as a protest, not because we hadn’t reached Tark levels, but because I was able to leave on a good note.
We get through Rice, it didn’t work out as anybody was hoping. We get to Marv. Now I know I’m stuck because it’s going to be all bad. And I can’t leave on a shitty note. So I had to wade through three seasons of the worst UNLV basketball I witnessed. Thank God he’s gone, a chance for the program to elevate. It’s only Otz’s first year, I think he has a chance to elevate us decently over the next couple of seasons. I’m seeing things I like, seeing some I don’t. And I feel that recruiting effectiveness is at the heart of success and I haven’t liked our recruiting, so that part leaves me disappointed but hopefully it proves otherwise. I just want the program to get on stable footing where they compete at a high enough level to where I’m able to personally deem it ok to take a back seat and watch from afar, if at all. When I see shitty basketball as we’ve seen, it’s just a reminder how far off it is. When I see lackluster recruiting, it makes me think I’m going to die before I call it quits. When I see us as a 500 team for four straight years, celebrating wins over bad programs, it feels like we will never get back to respectability, which is my out.
Admittedly, some of it is tied to my personal streak of home games attended. And I feel that once I do break it, I’ll be done. I never say never and never say always, you can’t guess how you’ll feel in the future. Something will break the streak at some point. I hope it’s because we are a good program. But it may be because of my kids or it may be because I couldn’t live up this stupid, invisible thing I’m loyal to, this thing that makes me see things through from start to finish.
I guess it’s a little complex. But I feel I have to be at peace to stop. That inner peace comes with program stability and relevance. It would never have happened with Menzies, it could happen with Otz. But it feels like we are still miles away. I’d really love to finish on that note, seeing it through, that’s my goal. I realize it’s more fragile now than ever before. In retrospect, I should have bailed back in 2009 or whatever it was after Kruger. I’d have been cool with it, but that window slammed shut.
Ultimately, fans demonstrate the health of the program. They’re there, they’re rowdy, they’re into it, the Rebels are talked about outside of the Mack … I don’t buy into UNLV’s published numbers, I don’t buy into spin, I don’t allow myself to be fooled by bullshit that’s intended to make things look or sound better than it really is. I’ll know in my heart when things are set right. I’ve lived it for too long, I know what it needs to be for me to think things are ok and we are nowhere near it and have never been further from it, even if I can’t exactly quantify it.
Again, I don’t expect people to understand this, it’s pretty wonky wiring that I have. But I try my best to be true to it.
I ran into a very long time media member tonight and we talked for a bit and it had him asking me some questions. Mainly, he doesn’t understand why I still go or anybody goes. And then I come to the board tonight and same types of questions and they’re good questions.
I really don’t expect anyone to understand it or appreciate it or to even give a shit about it. My own family doesn’t understand, my girlfriend doesn’t, most my friends don’t. But my friends and family also know that I’m huge on loyalty. And many say I’m loyal to a fault and I will grant that.
What drew me to Rebel basketball way back when was more substantive than winning. The winning was the excitement and adrenaline, but being able to personally identify was at the very heart of it. Obviously, that left with Tark. Coincidentally, so did the winning.
I felt a debt on a personal level so I remained. Tark guys were still with Rollie, then Grg comes, he’s part of the Tark era. Grg gone, good time to quit. But I wanted to see what Bayno could do, I still felt the Rebel pride too, we were only 5 years removed. Mixed results, some good times, some bad times. By the time 2000 hit, I personally felt “my debt” to the program was paid. To Tark and the former players, etc. Yeah, I hear you. What debt and why did I owe anything? Good question, it’s how I’m wired and it’s tied to the sense of loyalty that I hold in high regard as a virtue. So it’s a very personal thing, a tenet across my life.
So we waxed and waned a bit, no real success, was still having fun with it, friends were into it, there was still pride and hope.
Kruger comes, high expectations, he’s done it at every stop, highest price tag UNLV has ever paid… first two years, very disappointing overall. Third year, wham, a S16, one of my great memories. Had a ton of fun, we gained a place in the national landscape, even if it was just as a semi “Cinderella”, we were fringy, we were ranked, there was respectability. The following season, a win in the tournament. It was still fine. Next season, miss tournament. Next season, first round loss, following season, first round loss. Not great, but we at least mattered a bit, we had a say, we had some level of consistency and had a semi national feel to the program. I thought we should have been further along, a high level FP recruit or two would make all the difference. But still, it was ok, it was some stability within the top 40 or so. It was at that point I decided to call it quits.
This is at the crux of why I’m still here though. Again, this is a personal thing - I expect nobody to understand. It’s my thing, it’s an expectation I have of myself and I don’t expect people to understand it. If I expect something of myself, I do it. I was fortunate enough to enter UNLV basketball on the highest of notes. I wasn’t going to disband on a low note. A personal thing to me. And with Kruger, it was nowhere near Tark level, but it was respectable, it was a “good note” to leave on and it would be easy to make peace with. I was prepared.
Then we hire Rice. I knew what he was going to attempt to do. He was going to go for broke. He was going to do something that hadn’t been tried in the previous 20 years, he was going to recruit at the highest level possible. Plus, he was a Rebel, former player … so it tied back to that original loyalty and, to be honest, I was very appreciative of the attempt at trying to kick the door in instead of caving to the very passive and safe “slow growth” of a five or six year build - that’s the pussy way. The history of the program was built on aggression, taking no prisoners, being “Rebel”. So I couldn’t leave. Had we hired somebody else, I would have been done, not as a protest, not because we hadn’t reached Tark levels, but because I was able to leave on a good note.
We get through Rice, it didn’t work out as anybody was hoping. We get to Marv. Now I know I’m stuck because it’s going to be all bad. And I can’t leave on a shitty note. So I had to wade through three seasons of the worst UNLV basketball I witnessed. Thank God he’s gone, a chance for the program to elevate. It’s only Otz’s first year, I think he has a chance to elevate us decently over the next couple of seasons. I’m seeing things I like, seeing some I don’t. And I feel that recruiting effectiveness is at the heart of success and I haven’t liked our recruiting, so that part leaves me disappointed but hopefully it proves otherwise. I just want the program to get on stable footing where they compete at a high enough level to where I’m able to personally deem it ok to take a back seat and watch from afar, if at all. When I see shitty basketball as we’ve seen, it’s just a reminder how far off it is. When I see lackluster recruiting, it makes me think I’m going to die before I call it quits. When I see us as a 500 team for four straight years, celebrating wins over bad programs, it feels like we will never get back to respectability, which is my out.
Admittedly, some of it is tied to my personal streak of home games attended. And I feel that once I do break it, I’ll be done. I never say never and never say always, you can’t guess how you’ll feel in the future. Something will break the streak at some point. I hope it’s because we are a good program. But it may be because of my kids or it may be because I couldn’t live up this stupid, invisible thing I’m loyal to, this thing that makes me see things through from start to finish.
I guess it’s a little complex. But I feel I have to be at peace to stop. That inner peace comes with program stability and relevance. It would never have happened with Menzies, it could happen with Otz. But it feels like we are still miles away. I’d really love to finish on that note, seeing it through, that’s my goal. I realize it’s more fragile now than ever before. In retrospect, I should have bailed back in 2009 or whatever it was after Kruger. I’d have been cool with it, but that window slammed shut.
Ultimately, fans demonstrate the health of the program. They’re there, they’re rowdy, they’re into it, the Rebels are talked about outside of the Mack … I don’t buy into UNLV’s published numbers, I don’t buy into spin, I don’t allow myself to be fooled by bullshit that’s intended to make things look or sound better than it really is. I’ll know in my heart when things are set right. I’ve lived it for too long, I know what it needs to be for me to think things are ok and we are nowhere near it and have never been further from it, even if I can’t exactly quantify it.
Again, I don’t expect people to understand this, it’s pretty wonky wiring that I have. But I try my best to be true to it.
